Me: segun, today is wednesday and I have to
travel for this job tomorrow, where will I get
200k now?
SEGE: onihaxy calm down, getting the 200k
isn’t the issue.
ME: why is it not an issue?
SEGE: Adebimpe is the major issue
ME: how?
SEGE: can’t you see it clearly that this is a
blackmail business?
ME: I still don’t understand
SEGE: the way I’m seeing it, Adebimpe will
never send any credentials to you even if you
pay a million naira
ME: why did you say so?
SEGE: someone who is so desperate for a
revenge and even went to the extreme of
having your vital credentials in her custody,
why should we trust her when it comes to
money?
ME: hmmmmmmmm. “Ayemi ooooo, Temi
bami”.
SeGE: onihaxy, come to think of it, someone
who switched off her phone all this while and
only send text once in a while, it is so obvious
that she would switch off again after getting
the deposit alert.
ME: it seems you are right. So what do we do
now?.
SEGE: let’s do it this way. Call her number
first and let’s negotiate with her.
ME: ok **dialled her number***
SEGE: is it going through?
ME: ***phone: the number you have dialled is
unable to receive call****
Its saying unable to receive call, what does
that mean?
SEGE: it means she barred all incoming calls.
You see what I was saying?, this girl don
upgrade to “blackmail business”
ME: **wanted to cry** segun please come to
my aid, my world is crumbling, what do I do?.
SEGE: calm down onihaxy, I just thought of
something.
ME: what is that?
SEGE: you remembered that you scanned your
credentials and sent to a particular firm you
applied to in lagos few months ago.
ME: oooh yes I remember!!!, how about it?
SEGE: yes, we will make a coloured printout
and laminate.
ME: will it look like the real one?
SEGE: at least 80% real
ME: so how do we go about it?
SEGE: the time is just 8pm. Let’s rush down to
the cafe down the street to make the print
outs
ME: Are we still going to find a cafe by this
time?
SeGE: hopefully, we should.
ME: but I don’t have much on me at the
moment
SEGE: don’t worry, I still have like 1k on me.
ME: ok, how about the original credentials
with Adebimpe?, am I going to forget it just
like that?
SEGE: my guy, when we find a successful
alternative, then we can now talk about how to
retrieve the one your wife is holding.
ME: which wife be that?
SEGE: your lovely Adebimpe **laughed**
ME: you no well, the girl wey be say I go kill
any day I see her
SEGE: the onihaxy that I know will always fall
again and again on Adebimpe’s lap anyday
anytime.
ME: **laughs**. Seriously sege. You know well
SEGE: na lie?
ME: honestly, e be like say that girl dey use
charm on me sef.
SEGE: no be charm, na her juicy honeypot dey
kill you.
ME: abeg forget bimpe matter jaree. Let’s go
to the cafe first.
SEGE: ok
We walked out of the room and I locked my
door, we walked down the street and found out
that the cafe had closed. We trekked to the
next cafe and we found out that it had been
closed also.
ME: sege, what do we do now?,
SEGE: maybe till tomorrow be that.
ME: ok,
I saw segun off and I returned back to my
house. I felt relieved and eased. I began to get
hungry and regaining appetite for food. I
dropped my phone on my bed and went to my
kitchen to prepare noodles. I was about to
empty the sachet of the noodles into the pot
when my phone was ringing. I rushed to see
who is calling and it was my uncle. I picked
up the call
ME: hello sir
UNCLE: aburo, how are you?
ME: I’m fine sir
UNCLE: ehn ehn. My chairman said he is
travelling by 10am tomorrow morning,
ME: haaa,
UNCLE: you know what that means?
ME: no sir
UNCLE: you have to follow early morning bus.
You must be here latest 8am in the morning
so that he can attend to you before travelling.
ME: ok sir. Thank you very much sir.
UNCLE: ***hanged up*****
I suddenly lost appetite again and I began to
soliloquies, “this must be the handiwork of the
people from my village”.
travel for this job tomorrow, where will I get
200k now?
SEGE: onihaxy calm down, getting the 200k
isn’t the issue.
ME: why is it not an issue?
SEGE: Adebimpe is the major issue
ME: how?
SEGE: can’t you see it clearly that this is a
blackmail business?
ME: I still don’t understand
SEGE: the way I’m seeing it, Adebimpe will
never send any credentials to you even if you
pay a million naira
ME: why did you say so?
SEGE: someone who is so desperate for a
revenge and even went to the extreme of
having your vital credentials in her custody,
why should we trust her when it comes to
money?
ME: hmmmmmmmm. “Ayemi ooooo, Temi
bami”.
SeGE: onihaxy, come to think of it, someone
who switched off her phone all this while and
only send text once in a while, it is so obvious
that she would switch off again after getting
the deposit alert.
ME: it seems you are right. So what do we do
now?.
SEGE: let’s do it this way. Call her number
first and let’s negotiate with her.
ME: ok **dialled her number***
SEGE: is it going through?
ME: ***phone: the number you have dialled is
unable to receive call****
Its saying unable to receive call, what does
that mean?
SEGE: it means she barred all incoming calls.
You see what I was saying?, this girl don
upgrade to “blackmail business”
ME: **wanted to cry** segun please come to
my aid, my world is crumbling, what do I do?.
SEGE: calm down onihaxy, I just thought of
something.
ME: what is that?
SEGE: you remembered that you scanned your
credentials and sent to a particular firm you
applied to in lagos few months ago.
ME: oooh yes I remember!!!, how about it?
SEGE: yes, we will make a coloured printout
and laminate.
ME: will it look like the real one?
SEGE: at least 80% real
ME: so how do we go about it?
SEGE: the time is just 8pm. Let’s rush down to
the cafe down the street to make the print
outs
ME: Are we still going to find a cafe by this
time?
SeGE: hopefully, we should.
ME: but I don’t have much on me at the
moment
SEGE: don’t worry, I still have like 1k on me.
ME: ok, how about the original credentials
with Adebimpe?, am I going to forget it just
like that?
SEGE: my guy, when we find a successful
alternative, then we can now talk about how to
retrieve the one your wife is holding.
ME: which wife be that?
SEGE: your lovely Adebimpe **laughed**
ME: you no well, the girl wey be say I go kill
any day I see her
SEGE: the onihaxy that I know will always fall
again and again on Adebimpe’s lap anyday
anytime.
ME: **laughs**. Seriously sege. You know well
SEGE: na lie?
ME: honestly, e be like say that girl dey use
charm on me sef.
SEGE: no be charm, na her juicy honeypot dey
kill you.
ME: abeg forget bimpe matter jaree. Let’s go
to the cafe first.
SEGE: ok
We walked out of the room and I locked my
door, we walked down the street and found out
that the cafe had closed. We trekked to the
next cafe and we found out that it had been
closed also.
ME: sege, what do we do now?,
SEGE: maybe till tomorrow be that.
ME: ok,
I saw segun off and I returned back to my
house. I felt relieved and eased. I began to get
hungry and regaining appetite for food. I
dropped my phone on my bed and went to my
kitchen to prepare noodles. I was about to
empty the sachet of the noodles into the pot
when my phone was ringing. I rushed to see
who is calling and it was my uncle. I picked
up the call
ME: hello sir
UNCLE: aburo, how are you?
ME: I’m fine sir
UNCLE: ehn ehn. My chairman said he is
travelling by 10am tomorrow morning,
ME: haaa,
UNCLE: you know what that means?
ME: no sir
UNCLE: you have to follow early morning bus.
You must be here latest 8am in the morning
so that he can attend to you before travelling.
ME: ok sir. Thank you very much sir.
UNCLE: ***hanged up*****
I suddenly lost appetite again and I began to
soliloquies, “this must be the handiwork of the
people from my village”.
After few minutes of soliloquies, I looked up to
the wall and the time was few minutes to
10pm. What will I do now?, I have nobody else
to talk to apart from segun. I picked my phone
to chat with him.
ME: sege, how you dey?
SEGE: I dey fine ooo. Hope you don dey
prepare for your interview?.
ME: prepare kee?, wahala don dey ooo
SEGE: wetin happen?
ME: my uncle just called me now.
SEGE: na wetin him talk?. He say the job no
sure again?
ME: he talk say the chairman dey travel
tomorrow morning by 10am. So I must reach
b4 8am.
SEGE: haa!!, how you go do your credentials
stuffs now?
ME: I no know ooo.
SEGE: ok, there is an alternative.
ME: what is it?
SEGE: use your phone to access your mail and
download them from your email and save it
on your memory card.
ME: how will I print it then?
SEGE: I will come to your place very early
tomorrow morning around 5:30 to give you a
card reader. You will insert your memory card
inside it and print the stuffs at any computer
centre when you get to Ado.
ME: ok jaree. That’s ma boy
SEGE: that’s my guy too. Bimpe’s surest
husband
ME: I no like am ooo.
SEGE: no worry, na me go best you on your
wedding day. Lol
ME: you no well.
I logged into my mail and found my Bsc and
NYsc certificates only from my sent box. I
downloaded both of them. I then realised that
it was only the frontpage of my Bsc result I
scanned. I didn’t scanned the backpage and
the bagepage has my school logo and text
imprint on it just like that of the front page. I
logged in back to my whatsapp to update
segun.
ME: sege
SEGE: how far guy?. You don download am.
ME: yeah, but there is a problem
SEGE: what is it?
ME: my oracle certificate wasn’t scanned
along during that period.
SEGE: what about the B.sc and NYSC?
ME: I was able to retrieve those ones.
SEGE: that is cool. You can generate an
excuse for the missing oracle certificate when
you get there
ME: ok, but the Bsc result I downloaded
doesn’t have a backpage.
SEGE: backpage as how?
ME: on our certificate. The logo of our school
and some text imprints are on the back page
with two colours.
SEGE: is the backpage the same for every
graduates?
ME: yes, just the logo and the school name
written imprinted on it.
SEGE: don’t worry. I have a guy who schooled
and graduated from your school 2 years ago
and serving presently. I will get intouch with
him and scan the backpage of his document
and send to your whatsapp before you reach
Ado.
ME: **took a deep breath***, thanks jaree my
guy. You are too much
SEGE: what are we friends for
ME: my mind just settle small
SEGE: start rehearsing a genuine excuse you
will provide for the missing oracle certificate
ME: ok jare padi mi.
SEGUN: abeg, I wan post something on my
blog, we go chat later.
ME: ok, goodnite.
I slept off few minutes later until I heard a
knock and a harsh voice on my door around
2am to open up or I loose my life. I thought I
was dreaming, it was when the knocks and
threat was getting intense that I realised that
they are armed robbers. Behold, I opened out
of fear and my laptop and my Blackberry
phone was carted away.
I just couldn’t cry. I was just dump and
clueless.
“No doubt, Adebimpe has been going spiritual
on me, I don dey suspect say this girl na
Emere” I thought.
the wall and the time was few minutes to
10pm. What will I do now?, I have nobody else
to talk to apart from segun. I picked my phone
to chat with him.
ME: sege, how you dey?
SEGE: I dey fine ooo. Hope you don dey
prepare for your interview?.
ME: prepare kee?, wahala don dey ooo
SEGE: wetin happen?
ME: my uncle just called me now.
SEGE: na wetin him talk?. He say the job no
sure again?
ME: he talk say the chairman dey travel
tomorrow morning by 10am. So I must reach
b4 8am.
SEGE: haa!!, how you go do your credentials
stuffs now?
ME: I no know ooo.
SEGE: ok, there is an alternative.
ME: what is it?
SEGE: use your phone to access your mail and
download them from your email and save it
on your memory card.
ME: how will I print it then?
SEGE: I will come to your place very early
tomorrow morning around 5:30 to give you a
card reader. You will insert your memory card
inside it and print the stuffs at any computer
centre when you get to Ado.
ME: ok jaree. That’s ma boy
SEGE: that’s my guy too. Bimpe’s surest
husband
ME: I no like am ooo.
SEGE: no worry, na me go best you on your
wedding day. Lol
ME: you no well.
I logged into my mail and found my Bsc and
NYsc certificates only from my sent box. I
downloaded both of them. I then realised that
it was only the frontpage of my Bsc result I
scanned. I didn’t scanned the backpage and
the bagepage has my school logo and text
imprint on it just like that of the front page. I
logged in back to my whatsapp to update
segun.
ME: sege
SEGE: how far guy?. You don download am.
ME: yeah, but there is a problem
SEGE: what is it?
ME: my oracle certificate wasn’t scanned
along during that period.
SEGE: what about the B.sc and NYSC?
ME: I was able to retrieve those ones.
SEGE: that is cool. You can generate an
excuse for the missing oracle certificate when
you get there
ME: ok, but the Bsc result I downloaded
doesn’t have a backpage.
SEGE: backpage as how?
ME: on our certificate. The logo of our school
and some text imprints are on the back page
with two colours.
SEGE: is the backpage the same for every
graduates?
ME: yes, just the logo and the school name
written imprinted on it.
SEGE: don’t worry. I have a guy who schooled
and graduated from your school 2 years ago
and serving presently. I will get intouch with
him and scan the backpage of his document
and send to your whatsapp before you reach
Ado.
ME: **took a deep breath***, thanks jaree my
guy. You are too much
SEGE: what are we friends for
ME: my mind just settle small
SEGE: start rehearsing a genuine excuse you
will provide for the missing oracle certificate
ME: ok jare padi mi.
SEGUN: abeg, I wan post something on my
blog, we go chat later.
ME: ok, goodnite.
I slept off few minutes later until I heard a
knock and a harsh voice on my door around
2am to open up or I loose my life. I thought I
was dreaming, it was when the knocks and
threat was getting intense that I realised that
they are armed robbers. Behold, I opened out
of fear and my laptop and my Blackberry
phone was carted away.
I just couldn’t cry. I was just dump and
clueless.
“No doubt, Adebimpe has been going spiritual
on me, I don dey suspect say this girl na
Emere” I thought.
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