Story by joflexer the facebook girl season 2 episode 23

Segun arrived my house at 5:50am in the
morning and met me and my co-tenants
outside mourning and discussing in groups as
if someone died .

SEGE: guy, wetin do your number?, e no dey
waka? And wetin dey happen here?, person
died?
ME: phone kee?. Our compound was robbed
last night and my phone was taken away with
my laptop
SEGE: haaa!!, no wonder you were all outside
at this time.
ME: **sober** na so we see am ooo
SEGE: se na only you dem rob?
ME: at all, they robbed the whole compound
and took away all valuables. Mummy tolu and
her daughter was even raped sef
SEGE: haa, na wa oooo.
ME: the thing tire me
SEGE: hope you have prepared for your trip?
ME: prepare kee?, how will I go about my
credentials when my phone and system had
been stolen?. Even my nokia torchlight is
gone? And how will I contact my uncle?
SEGE: no wahala. I will give you my android
phone with my line, I will be calling you with
my nokia touchlight that has my second line.
ME: then how will I go about the documents.
SEGE: along the journey, you would re-
download the stuffs on this phone and print it
out using the card reader I will give to you.
ME: ok pal. But how about the one you
wanted to scan to me?.
SEGE: I will give the guy your mail, so he
would scan it and send directly to your mail
and you can print it out also.
ME: what about my uncle, I need to contact
him. I have never been to his place in Ado
before. And my line is gone, how will I locate
him? Since he won’t be able to reach me?
SEGE: don’t you know his line offhand?
ME: I swear I don’t
SEGE: its easy, sebi you dey use blackberry?
ME: yes
SEGE: and you registered blackberry account
with your email address?
ME: yes
SEGE: and your uncle’s number is saved on
the blackberry?
ME: yes
SEGE: then all your contacts are backed up on
your email
ME: how?
SEGE: just log in to your yahoo mail address
and on the homepage, click on contacts.
Me: are you sure I will find it?
SEGE: yes, I’m very sure.
ME: chaii, its really good to have a “tech
guru” as a friend.
SEGE: **laughs***. Time is no more on our
side, go and bath and then dress up
ME: ok, help me to sign in into my mail and
be doing the stuff while I bath.
SEGE: ok, wetin be that your password sef?,
“adebimpe” abi?
ME: you no well. Its the same with the one I
used for facebook.
SEGE: **laughs*** ok.
I rushed to the bathroom to shower and brush
my teeth. I dressed up and picked my
remaining credentials, some other things. And
by 6:08, I’m done and ready. By this time,
segun was busy downloading my credentials
from my mail. We both walked out and I
locked the door. He followed me to the taxi
and we boarded the taxi together, he showed
me how to access my contacts from my email
and behold, all my phone contacts was backed
up on my phone. I checked for my uncle’s
number and dialled it.
ME: hi sir
UNCLE: hi, who is this?
ME: onihaxy sir
UNCLE: what happened to your line ?
ME: my phone was stolen sir, so a friend
borrowed me his phone.
UnCLE: anyways, where are you?
ME: at the park.
UNCLE: by this time?. I expected you to be
almost here by now, this is 7:05am
ME: I will soon be there sir. Akure to Ado is
just 45minutes sir.
UNcLE: ok, safe journey
ME: thanks sir **hanged up****
Segun and I arrived at the park by 7:12am, he
gave me the phone and promised to keep
intouch and also ensure to tell the guy to
scan and send the stuffs to me. Segun
returned home and I sought the service of the
food sellers at the park to fill my tummy
before the bus was filled up. At about 7:35,
the bus was filled up and set to move.
I was in the bus and I downloaded all the files
into the memory card. The phone battery was
at 55% and segun didn’t give me his charger.
Oppps!!!!, I even forgot to collect the card
reader from him.
At 8am, my uncle almost drained the battery
of the phone with calls. “Where are you?,
where are you?”. At a point in time, I had to lie
to him that the bus had a flat tire and the
driver stopped over to replace it. The
passengers closer to me were marvelled by my
lies and they opened their mouth wide at me.
A lady sitting behind me even said it jokingly
that “bros!!, you can lie oooo” and we all
laughed it off.
At 8:50am, the bus arrived at ado and I
alighted from the bus.
“How do I print this stuff now oo?”
I looked at the opposite side of the road and I
saw a guy hawking phone accessories in a
wheel barrow. I screamed “eeeehssssss” and
he stopped. I crossed over to meet him and I
told him that I needed a card reader, he said
he doesn’t have it. Then I thought of it that a
USB cable can do the work. I told him to give
me a USB cable for blackberry since it also
works for android phones. He said it cost
250naira and I paid him after collecting the
cable. I asked from people around on where I
could get a computer center and I was
directed to a shop down the road.
On getting there, the woman was just opening
the shop and I greeted her.
ME: good morning ma. Please I want to make
a printout.
WOMAN: you have to wait for me to sweep
and clean up the shop and pray.
ME: haaaaa!!!!, how long will it take to finish
all these?
WOMAN:**holding a broom*** let’s say like 30
minutes sha .
ME: haaaa!!. Please ma, I need to submit this
thing at latest 9:30am or else, I will loose my
career. This is 9:03am please.
WOMAN: ** dimmed her eyes and looked at
me** ehn ehn!!!
ME: yes ma.
WOMAN: ok, black printing or coloured?
ME: coloured ma
WOMAN: your money is 300naira per print
ME: haa!!, pls ma, I always do it for 100naira
back in Akure.
WOMAN: here is Ado not Akure, I can only do
it for 200naira last price. If you can’t pay, then
you can leave.
ME: **na thunder go fire you. Because you
don see say na emergency abi?, no be your
fault**. Ok ma, let’s do it
WOMAN: where is your flash drive
ME: I’m printing from phone ma
WOMAN: phone? How?
ME: through USB cable ma.
WOMAN: haaa!!, will it work?, I haven’t done
that before?
Me: it will work.
She switched on her system after dropping her
broom outside. I attached my usb cable to the
system and transferred the stuffs to her
system.
Me: pls ma, you will use a thick certificate
paper ma, not ordinary A4 paper.
WoMAN: huuuh. You money is 500naira each
oooo.
ME: ha ma, but why?
WOMAN: the price is different
ME: but its the same price in Akure ma. Its
still N100 naira
WOMAN: **frowned*** should I use A4 paper
then or you take it to your akure to do the
Printing?
ME: ***phone ringing***, no vex ma, let’s
make it 300naira ma, I beg of you ma. Please
have mercy on me.
WOMAN: I will just consider that amount
because I have kids too and I want them to be
successful like you, I will consider the
350naira last price.
ME: ***picked call*** thanks ma. “Squeeze
me”, Hello segun, how you dey?, you number
has been unreachable since
SEGE: I had a flat battery ni. I just charged it
Me: ok, you forgot to give me the card reader
SEGE: oooops!, I didn’t even realized it sha.
How will you do it now?
ME: well, I purchased a usb cable and used it
to transfer the stuffs. I’m even at the computer
centre sef.
SEGE: that’s good. The guy said he has sent
the stuff. Check your mail box.
ME: ok, thank you, I will.
I checked my mail and downloaded the
backpage sent to me. I transfered it to the
system. The woman printed everything out and
laminate them thereafter. Chaiii, the thing
looks 80% real. Just that the quality of the ink
was lesser than that of the original copy.
ME: woman, how much is my bill?
WOMAN: 1,200naira.
ME: haaa!!, for just 2 print outs?
WOMAN: I thought we have concluded on the
price before?
ME: I don’t know its up to this amount
****phone ringing****
WOMAN: let’s calculate it then.
ME: **looked at the phone and saw that it
was my uncle**** don’t worry ma, thank you
***opened my wallet and gave her
1,200naira***
Hello uncle
UNCLE: this boy, what is your problem?, or is
it a crime that I wanted to help you?.
ME: I’m sorry sir, I was just alighting from the
bus sir. I was about to call you when you
called in sir.
UnCLE: ok, from where you are, take a bike to
fajuyi road, call me when you get to the street.
ME: ok sir.
I rushed out of the computer centre and
stopped a bike and it took me to the address
after negotiating on the price.
I got to the street and called him. He came to
meet me few minutes after the call and took
me inside to meet the chairman.
UNCLE: hi sir, this is my son I was talking
about sir
CHAIRMAN: really?, how are you?
ME: I’m fine sir
CHAIRMAN: please have your seat
ME: thank you sir.
CHAIRMAN: **faced my uncle** Mr badmus,
you can take your leave
UnCLE: ok sir
My heart was beating faster as I sat down on
the seat infront of him. His face looks scary
and I was having this feelings that he would
find out that the credentials with me wasn’t
original. Chaiii!!, I don enter am today.
CHAIRMAN: **turned to me*** hello young
man, can I meet you?
ME: **chaii, interview don start be that?**
erm!!, I am onihaxy, a chemistry graduate of
AAUA,
CHAIRMAN: well, I’m chief durojaye, the CEO
of DUROJAYE group of company. So what
more can I know about you?.
ME: ***fear began to catch me***, I am a
diligent young man, productive and
industrous ……..bla bla bla
CHAIRMAN: ok, your dad had been my staff
for over 10years and he had been honest, so
when I needed a manager for my supermarket,
he recommended you for the job. So I told him
to invite you based on the trust I have in him.
ME: **bend forward in appreciation*** thank
you sir.
CHAIRMAN: hmmmm but unfortunately, my
son who lives abroad called me this morning
that he would be relocating to nigeria this
month. So he will be the one to take the
position,
ME: ****felt disappointed and my eyes were
red and soaked****
CHAIRMAN: but because I have already sent
for you, I will fix you as a P.A to the manager
and also a secretary of my pure water
company here in Ado Ekiti. Hope you won’t
mind it?
ME: ****smile suddenly re-appeared on my
face as I grinned out loud.**** thank you sir.
CHAIRMAN: you are welcome. You should be
thanking your dad. He is an honest and
hardworking man.
ME: thank you sir.
CHAiRMAN: so, what grade did you passed
out with at school?
ME: 2.1 sir
CHAIRMAN: that’s nice, good boy.
ME: thank you sir.
CHAIRMAN: ***picked his phone and scrolling
through it**** are you here with your CV?
ME: yes sir
CHAIRMAN: **placed the phone on his ear
and rotating his chair to and fro in 180
degrees*** “excuse me”. Hello manager, I will
send someone to you now, he will be the new
secretary and also your P.A. You will give him
the bank form and all the neccesary forms to
fill.
Me: ***i was so joyous on the seat I sat on***
CHAiRMAN: so ehhmmmmm
ME: onihaxy
CHAIRMAN: ok onihaxy, I’m travelling to
Lagos right away, infact, I ought to have left
since, I only delayed it because I gave you an
appointment.
ME: thank you sir.
CHAIRMAN: so, drop the photocopies of your
C.V and credentials with your dad. I will
collect it when I return.
ME: ok sir.
CHAiRMAN: so concerning the salary, how
much do you want me to be paying you?
ME: ***smiled with shyness and silent****
CHAIRMAN: ok, you want to do voluntary and
charity work I guess, then let me be on my
way
ME: **smiled** no sir, ok, 50,000
ChAIRMAN: **laughs*** these youths of
nowadays, you loved money so much. Those
days when I started working, I started with
85kobo in the 60s
ME: sir, money had value then
CHAIRMAN; ***laughed** ok, I will start with
30,000naira monthly for now. As time goes on
when I evaluate your performance, I might
increase it.
ME: **i compared 18k to 30k and I felt its still
cool***, ok sir, its ok.
CHAIRMAN: alright. You can go, remember to
submit the copies of your credentials.
****handed over a complementary card to
me**** here is the address of the water
factory. Go there when you leave here so that
you can start the necessary documentation
ME: thank you sir. ****what is now the
essence of all the wahala sef?, he no even ask
of the originals***
I left his office and went to my uncle’s
department to give him feedback, my uncle
told me to wait for him and he went to meet
the chairman, “to appreciate him I guess”.
They both came out of the office and my uncle
followed him to his car and he drove off. My
uncle returned back to meet me.
ME: thank you so much sir
UnCLE: don’t mention my son. Hope the pure
water job is ok by you?
ME: yes sir, its ok compared to my job and
salary in akure.
UNCLE: no problem. You can move in with me
for now. And when you save enough money,
you can get your own accommodation.
ME: thank you sir.
UnCLE: I know you are a grown up man, you
should be planning to get married soon and
no lady will ever agree to marry a guy
squatting with his uncle. So I understand that
you will need privacy and freedom any
moment from now.
ME: **smiled**
UncLE: its true my son. I was once a youth
like you.
ME: **smiled***. How about your children sir?
UNCLE: they are all fine. So where are the
photocopies?
ME: I opened my bag and I remembered that I
forgot to make photocopies after the printouts
*chaiii, onihaxy!!!!, this village people never
comot from your back****
UNCLE: where is it now?
ME: ***shy face and voice***, I forgot to make
photocopies sir
UnCLE: **yelled***. You this boy!!!, how could
you come for an interview without coming with
the photocopy of your credentials?. What if my
chairman asked of it earlier, what will you tell
him??, eh!!!!
ME: **dumb***.
UNCLE: anyways, bring the original, I will
make the copies here, hurry now to where you
were sent to go and return here on time.
ME: thank you sir.
I dashed out of the organisation with a big
grin and smile written all over my face as I
stopped a bike to take me to my destination.