………………. After the call
I went to work and chat with my friend segun
along side. I narrated my recent action to him
and he told me I was getting smarter.
We
discussed how kemi’s package will look like,
and trust my guy, he came with a very brilliant
plan. He said we would act like brothers, I
would be the elder brother while he would be
the younger brother.
I smiled and said to myself, “hope say sege no
go push me to jail some day sha”, but on a
serious note, its good to have the good, the
bad, and the ugly friends and I don’t even
know the category that segun belongs to.
After closing for the day’s job at 5pm, I was
so tired and I couldn’t stop over at segun’s
house, I went home straight and fell over the
bed to relax. At 7pm, my phone was ringing
and I looked at the screen, it was my beloved
kemi calling.
ME: hello love
KEMI: call me back please ***hanged up****
What is this girl up to?, haba!!!, she had never
call for 3 minutes before, always saying “call
me back”. I wait for like 10minutes before
returning the call
ME: hello love
KEMI: hi. How are you?
ME: I’m fine, and you?
KEMI: I’m fine too. What happened to your
phone the other time in the morning?
ME: sorry about that jaree, the credit was
exhausted and the call terminated.
KEMI: hmmmmmmmm. I thought you don’t
want to talk to me ni.
ME: haba!!, no naw. So where are you
KEMI: I’m now in akure
ME: really?, where in akure?
KEMI: I don’t know dear, ok hold on let me ask
someone ******background:kemi: pls what is
the name of this place?. Response: oda
road*********** ok onihaxy, they said its oda
road.
ME: eeeyah, not to far from my area sha.
About 30 to 40minute taxi drive.
KEMI: really?
ME: yes. So how do we see?
KEMI: I don’t know yet ooooo, and I would be
so busy tomorrow in cooking assistance.
ME: so what about saturday?
KEMI: I will be busy too
ME: so what do we do now? I can’t wait to
see you dear.
KEMI: same here. Ok let’s do it this way
ME: how?
KEMI: to save time, let’s meet at the shopping
plaza, text the location to me, you will get
there before me and I will meet you there.
ME: *****oloshi, you dey prove smart abi?, na
me you wan use brain for?. Thanks to sege’s
tutorials******* that will be bit difficult dear
KEMI: why?
ME: my younger brother is around and wanted
to see you, infact, he should have travelled
yesterday but he said he would wait till your
arrival.
KEMI: who is that? And did you tell him
anything about me?
ME: my cousin .yes I told him lots about you
KEMI: and what was that?
ME: that you are my love, the girl I wanted to
marry. And he said he wanted to see his
brother’s wife. Infact, he has a gift to give you.
KEMI: really?. What is the gift?
ME: he didn’t show me, neither did he tell me.
He said its for you alone and its a surprise.
He would travel immediately after seeing you.
KEMI: oooooo God, and I would be busy
oooooo, ok, let’s see what would happen
tomorrow sha.
ME: that’s my love.
KEMI: onihaxy please….
ME: **** interrupted**** heeeeee, honey please
I will call you back, my food is burning
seriously. ****hanged up*****
*****Oloshi, I knew that it is “baby send me
airtime” that would follow the “onihaxy
please”
At 9pm, I called kemi again to discuss on how
we would meet.
ME: hi love
KEMI: how are you dear?
ME: I’m fine, and you?
KEMI: I’m doing great.
ME: so how do we see and when?,
KEMI: let’s see if I could sneak out tomorrow
to see you. Hope your place isn’t far from
here?
ME: no dear, its along the main road. If you
take a bike, the bike man will drop you exactly
infront of my house.
KEMI: please I won’t stay long outside
because of my family, I don’t want them to
suspect that I’m missing. So you would stay
infront of your house and the same bike that
brought me would takes us both to the outing.
ME: ***oloshi, na me you dey prove smart for
abi?*******, no problem dear
KEMI: alright dear, what are the things you
are buying for me?
ME: just wait till tomorrow and see the
surprises that awaits you.
KEMI: that’s why I love you. Baby please
transfer little airtime to me please
ME: it late, and I don’t have sufficient airtime
on my phone. Let’s make it tomorrow.
KEMI: ok dear, take care
ME: bye ***hanged up********
I chat with segun after to call to gist him
about kemi’s outdoor plans. I was so confused
on how to convince her to bed. Segun assured
me that I shouldn’t worry as he would take
charge of everything. We had our last
rehearsals that night on his plans of how to
execute kemi’s parole.
8am the second day which was friday, I woke
up very early. I had took a time off from work
earlier on thursday on the pretence that I was
sick and needed to go to the hospital for
treatment. I changed my bedsheets, stocked
my portable fridge with 3 can malts and fruits,
I went to the nearby chemist to purchase a
pack of condom and I sprayed the whole room
with air refresher. Indeed, nobody cleans a
house faster than a guy expecting a new girl.
9:25am, kemi flashed me and I called back,
ME: hello love
KEMI : hi dear.
ME: how was your night?
KEMI: it was fine. Where is my airtime?
ME: I’m sorry dear, I’m still on bed, I haven’t
gone out yet
KEMI: why can’t you send your brother to buy
it?
ME: he went out very early this morning and
he hasn’t returned yet.
KEMI: send your address, I should be on my
way any moment from now. And first thing, I
will collect my airtime when I arrive.
ME: ok love, no problem.
KEMI: bye
ME: bye.
I sent the detailed address to kemi and I also
inform my goon (segun) about kemi’s coming.
35minutes later, segun arrived fully dressed
and pulling a leather box. We hugged and gist
about how we would execute our plans neatly.
While we were having gists and fun. My phone
rang and it was kemi calling.
ME: hi love, where are you?
KEMI: I just dropped from a bike at the front
of your house, Please come outside and let’s
hurry up, the bike-man is waiting.
ME: ok *****hanged up*******.
I turned to segun with a sad face full of
disappointment. Segun saw the look on my
face.
ME: segun, I’m not sure this plan will work
out?
SEGE: why not leave all the plans to the event
planner?.
ME: but she still insisted on waiting outside?
SEGE: mr maga, just calm down. Let’s go
outside and welcome her, I will take charge of
the situation. Trust me my guy.
ME: yes boss
*****************************
we would meet.
ME: hi love
KEMI: how are you dear?
ME: I’m fine, and you?
KEMI: I’m doing great.
ME: so how do we see and when?,
KEMI: let’s see if I could sneak out tomorrow
to see you. Hope your place isn’t far from
here?
ME: no dear, its along the main road. If you
take a bike, the bike man will drop you exactly
infront of my house.
KEMI: please I won’t stay long outside
because of my family, I don’t want them to
suspect that I’m missing. So you would stay
infront of your house and the same bike that
brought me would takes us both to the outing.
ME: ***oloshi, na me you dey prove smart for
abi?*******, no problem dear
KEMI: alright dear, what are the things you
are buying for me?
ME: just wait till tomorrow and see the
surprises that awaits you.
KEMI: that’s why I love you. Baby please
transfer little airtime to me please
ME: it late, and I don’t have sufficient airtime
on my phone. Let’s make it tomorrow.
KEMI: ok dear, take care
ME: bye ***hanged up********
I chat with segun after to call to gist him
about kemi’s outdoor plans. I was so confused
on how to convince her to bed. Segun assured
me that I shouldn’t worry as he would take
charge of everything. We had our last
rehearsals that night on his plans of how to
execute kemi’s parole.
8am the second day which was friday, I woke
up very early. I had took a time off from work
earlier on thursday on the pretence that I was
sick and needed to go to the hospital for
treatment. I changed my bedsheets, stocked
my portable fridge with 3 can malts and fruits,
I went to the nearby chemist to purchase a
pack of condom and I sprayed the whole room
with air refresher. Indeed, nobody cleans a
house faster than a guy expecting a new girl.
9:25am, kemi flashed me and I called back,
ME: hello love
KEMI : hi dear.
ME: how was your night?
KEMI: it was fine. Where is my airtime?
ME: I’m sorry dear, I’m still on bed, I haven’t
gone out yet
KEMI: why can’t you send your brother to buy
it?
ME: he went out very early this morning and
he hasn’t returned yet.
KEMI: send your address, I should be on my
way any moment from now. And first thing, I
will collect my airtime when I arrive.
ME: ok love, no problem.
KEMI: bye
ME: bye.
I sent the detailed address to kemi and I also
inform my goon (segun) about kemi’s coming.
35minutes later, segun arrived fully dressed
and pulling a leather box. We hugged and gist
about how we would execute our plans neatly.
While we were having gists and fun. My phone
rang and it was kemi calling.
ME: hi love, where are you?
KEMI: I just dropped from a bike at the front
of your house, Please come outside and let’s
hurry up, the bike-man is waiting.
ME: ok *****hanged up*******.
I turned to segun with a sad face full of
disappointment. Segun saw the look on my
face.
ME: segun, I’m not sure this plan will work
out?
SEGE: why not leave all the plans to the event
planner?.
ME: but she still insisted on waiting outside?
SEGE: mr maga, just calm down. Let’s go
outside and welcome her, I will take charge of
the situation. Trust me my guy.
ME: yes boss
*****************************
********************************
We went outside together to meet kemi. As we
stepped out of the door, I saw a young lady
standing by a bike-man at the other side of
the road. I was so disappointed in what I saw,
kemi wasn’t as pretty and adoring as the lady
I have been seeing on facebook. Her face
looked so rough and full of spots compared to
the clean and radiating face I have been
seeing on facebook. Is that the babe? “Segun
asked me”. I guess so “I replied”.
I picked my phone to call her she picked. She
saw me at the other side of the road but she
refused to cross, she was waving her hand to
me that I should cross over and she was
pointing at the bikeman at the same time.
ME: ****whispers**** segun, you sure say this
babe go sure?
SEGE: just calm down and leave everything to
me.
Segun and I crossed to the other side of the
road and we walked closer to kemi.
ME: ***hugs****hi love
KEMI: hi dear.
ME: meet my brother segun I was telling you
about, ******introduced her to segun*****
SEGE: ***hands shake**** its nice meeting you
our wife.
KEMI: ****smiled*****. Onihaxy, Please I don’t
want to stay long outdoor, I sneaked out of
the house and I must return before they find
out that I’m missing.
SEGE: lailai, that cannot be possible. Don’t
you know I have been waiting here for the past
3 days just to meet you?, I should have
travelled 2 days ago but I decided to wait and
see our wife so as to give our parents
feedback when I reached home.
ME: yeah, he is right
KEMI: ***smiled**** but you have seen me
now. I don’t want to stay outdoor for long
please
SEGE: ****moved closer to kemi****so you
mean main road reception is the best you can
give to your father in-law. Common baby,
don’t abuse tradition, come in and let’s know
each other formally. ******held kemi’s
hand****
KEMI: oooooooooh God.
ME: ****silent and watching******
KEMI: but the bikeman is here waiting.
SEGUN: ***moved closer to the bike while kemi
and I were walking away slowly****** how
much is your money?
BIKEMAN: 200naira
Segun paid the bikeman and the bikeman
drove away. I was amazed how segun got to
know that kemi hasn’t paid her bike fare. I
guess he observed the situation. Segun catch
up with us and we crossed together. Segun
began to chat with kemi and they were flowing
nicely. He took charge of the whole situation
as we entered the room. He entertained kemi,
asked her about her work, school, life
generally and kemi was flowing well. I was
only letting out smiles and interrupting
because segun really surprised me. After
about 8 minutes of having fun chat with kemi,
segun stood up and pulled his leather box.
SEGE: bros, I’m travelling. Let me give you and
your wife some privacy
ME: ****laughs*** ok bro. My regards to
mummy
KEMI: I will soon be going too.
SEGUN: so soon?. That reminds me. I
promised you a gift. I will tell bro onihaxy to
give you.
KEMI: *****smiled and appreciate*** thanks
my inlaw.
SEGUN: ehn ehn bros, what about the money
you want to give me now?,
ME: I thought you have forgotten
SEGE: forget ke?, lailai.
ME: that’s even good. To make things easier.
Take this ATM. *****bring out atm card from
my wallet and hand it over to segun.
Withdraw 50k from the account.
SEGE: eeeeeeh bros, everything for me?.
ME: no, my wife and I are going out for
shopping. I will. Only give you the amount you
request for, I want to use the rest for
shopping.
KEMI: *****smiled and feeling relaxed and
comfortable.
SEGE: ****winked at me*****. Bros, that money
won’t be enough to shop for our wife after
deducting mine. Please go with enough cash.
ME: hmmmmmmmmm. So you and your wife
want to drain my account abi?
SEGE: no bros. Just do the needful, first
impression last longer.
KEMI: ****felling more relaxed**** bro segun.
Don’t mind your elder brother jaree. He is too
stingy.
ME: hmmmmmm, ok, withdraw 60k then. You
should take 10k while my wife and I will use
the remaining 50k.
SEGE: that’s my lovely brother, let me rush
down to the nearest ATM.
KEMI: ******feeling totally relaxed****. Thanks
jaree uncle segun. Please be fast, I won’t be
staying long.
SEGE: **pats kemi on the shoulder*** I will be
right back dear. Even me, I need to travel
earlier.
ME: ok ooooooooo. Husband and wife
KEMI: onihaxy, na jealousy go kill you
SEGE: ***laughs*****. Erhmmm, bros, I dey
come.
Segun walked out of the room. On closing the
door, he yelled from outside. “Bro onihaxy,
come and see something”. I excused myself
from kemi and went outside to meet segun.
ME: guy u try ooooo. This your small head, na
so so bad thing full am.
SEGE: sebi I told you to leave every plans to
the event planner na.
ME: that’s my guy.
SEGE: you no well ni. I don buy time for you.
Use it well and fucck the girl wella. I no wan
hear story ooooo.
ME: so what will happen to the atm card issue
na?. I have only 2,500naira in the account.
SEGE: ******laughs*****, Mr maga, who told
you I want to withdraw money from the
account in the first place?. Abeg go fucck
wetin you want to Bleep jareeee.
I went back inside the room and met my
kemisola fully relaxed and balanced.
We went outside together to meet kemi. As we
stepped out of the door, I saw a young lady
standing by a bike-man at the other side of
the road. I was so disappointed in what I saw,
kemi wasn’t as pretty and adoring as the lady
I have been seeing on facebook. Her face
looked so rough and full of spots compared to
the clean and radiating face I have been
seeing on facebook. Is that the babe? “Segun
asked me”. I guess so “I replied”.
I picked my phone to call her she picked. She
saw me at the other side of the road but she
refused to cross, she was waving her hand to
me that I should cross over and she was
pointing at the bikeman at the same time.
ME: ****whispers**** segun, you sure say this
babe go sure?
SEGE: just calm down and leave everything to
me.
Segun and I crossed to the other side of the
road and we walked closer to kemi.
ME: ***hugs****hi love
KEMI: hi dear.
ME: meet my brother segun I was telling you
about, ******introduced her to segun*****
SEGE: ***hands shake**** its nice meeting you
our wife.
KEMI: ****smiled*****. Onihaxy, Please I don’t
want to stay long outdoor, I sneaked out of
the house and I must return before they find
out that I’m missing.
SEGE: lailai, that cannot be possible. Don’t
you know I have been waiting here for the past
3 days just to meet you?, I should have
travelled 2 days ago but I decided to wait and
see our wife so as to give our parents
feedback when I reached home.
ME: yeah, he is right
KEMI: ***smiled**** but you have seen me
now. I don’t want to stay outdoor for long
please
SEGE: ****moved closer to kemi****so you
mean main road reception is the best you can
give to your father in-law. Common baby,
don’t abuse tradition, come in and let’s know
each other formally. ******held kemi’s
hand****
KEMI: oooooooooh God.
ME: ****silent and watching******
KEMI: but the bikeman is here waiting.
SEGUN: ***moved closer to the bike while kemi
and I were walking away slowly****** how
much is your money?
BIKEMAN: 200naira
Segun paid the bikeman and the bikeman
drove away. I was amazed how segun got to
know that kemi hasn’t paid her bike fare. I
guess he observed the situation. Segun catch
up with us and we crossed together. Segun
began to chat with kemi and they were flowing
nicely. He took charge of the whole situation
as we entered the room. He entertained kemi,
asked her about her work, school, life
generally and kemi was flowing well. I was
only letting out smiles and interrupting
because segun really surprised me. After
about 8 minutes of having fun chat with kemi,
segun stood up and pulled his leather box.
SEGE: bros, I’m travelling. Let me give you and
your wife some privacy
ME: ****laughs*** ok bro. My regards to
mummy
KEMI: I will soon be going too.
SEGUN: so soon?. That reminds me. I
promised you a gift. I will tell bro onihaxy to
give you.
KEMI: *****smiled and appreciate*** thanks
my inlaw.
SEGUN: ehn ehn bros, what about the money
you want to give me now?,
ME: I thought you have forgotten
SEGE: forget ke?, lailai.
ME: that’s even good. To make things easier.
Take this ATM. *****bring out atm card from
my wallet and hand it over to segun.
Withdraw 50k from the account.
SEGE: eeeeeeh bros, everything for me?.
ME: no, my wife and I are going out for
shopping. I will. Only give you the amount you
request for, I want to use the rest for
shopping.
KEMI: *****smiled and feeling relaxed and
comfortable.
SEGE: ****winked at me*****. Bros, that money
won’t be enough to shop for our wife after
deducting mine. Please go with enough cash.
ME: hmmmmmmmmm. So you and your wife
want to drain my account abi?
SEGE: no bros. Just do the needful, first
impression last longer.
KEMI: ****felling more relaxed**** bro segun.
Don’t mind your elder brother jaree. He is too
stingy.
ME: hmmmmmm, ok, withdraw 60k then. You
should take 10k while my wife and I will use
the remaining 50k.
SEGE: that’s my lovely brother, let me rush
down to the nearest ATM.
KEMI: ******feeling totally relaxed****. Thanks
jaree uncle segun. Please be fast, I won’t be
staying long.
SEGE: **pats kemi on the shoulder*** I will be
right back dear. Even me, I need to travel
earlier.
ME: ok ooooooooo. Husband and wife
KEMI: onihaxy, na jealousy go kill you
SEGE: ***laughs*****. Erhmmm, bros, I dey
come.
Segun walked out of the room. On closing the
door, he yelled from outside. “Bro onihaxy,
come and see something”. I excused myself
from kemi and went outside to meet segun.
ME: guy u try ooooo. This your small head, na
so so bad thing full am.
SEGE: sebi I told you to leave every plans to
the event planner na.
ME: that’s my guy.
SEGE: you no well ni. I don buy time for you.
Use it well and fucck the girl wella. I no wan
hear story ooooo.
ME: so what will happen to the atm card issue
na?. I have only 2,500naira in the account.
SEGE: ******laughs*****, Mr maga, who told
you I want to withdraw money from the
account in the first place?. Abeg go fucck
wetin you want to Bleep jareeee.
I went back inside the room and met my
kemisola fully relaxed and balanced.
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